I am a working mother with three children. A 20 year old “know it all son” Ryan, a “” 7 year old son – Benjamin who thinks he’s already the president of the United States like Barack Obama and a 5 year old daughter – Brooke who thinks she’s ruling everyone in the house. While using my company’s lactation room a couple years ago I read a Working Mom article in the parent magazine and decided to record my own tale on paper. I was born in the Republic of Trinidad and Tobago and migrated to New York in 1989. Before deciding to come to America I had always been told (by my cousins who had visited) that America is the best place in the world for opportunity. That information along with the images obtained from watching television in the West Indies made the U.S. look like a dreamland with nice surroundings, clothes, food, and all the essential things needed to succeed in and enjoy life. I decided that I too had to be a part of this “dream,” I too would have the nice clothes, live in nice surroundings and have an opportunity to earn a college degree. My mind was set and as soon as I completed high school, I was on a plane to the “Big Apple” to meet my cousins and live the American Dream.
When I arrived, I got a rude awakening, the "dream" appeared to be more like a nightmare. I contacted my cousins whom had sold me the dream and they were always busy and didn’t have time for me. I then went to stay with an aunt and was kicked out after a month because I was more of a liability than an asset to her. She was uncomfortable with me being there without obtaining legal status, “a green card”. It’s ironic because many immigrants including her came to America without a “green card”. I left and went to stay by another friend of the family and eventually, her husband started to make passes at me and I had to leave. As you can imagine that was a very uncomfortable situation. So there I was in “the land of opportunity” with a minimal family support system and I didn’t know what to do or where to begin. In Trinidad my mother did everything for me. All I knew is that I had to eat and clothe myself. Arriving without any authorization to work made my job choices very limited. I was able to get work in a variety store standing for approximately 12 hours a day assisting customers on Flatbush Ave in Brooklyn. I quickly decided that 12 hours standing and hiding from my boss to sit for five minutes wasn’t for me. I left and decided to look for a job as a babysitter. At the time, babysitting jobs were readily available but home employers wanted to teach the art of multi-tasking and all positions that were available were with housekeeping duties. I quickly got a job as a babysitter/house keeper. I babysat for 2 years and during that time I got married and had my first son Ryan. Although my ex-husband paid the bills and I was able to stay at home I felt trapped. I was questioned why I needed money and made a promise to myself at that time that I would never depend on anyone again. My ultimate goal was to attend college. I expressed that to my ex-husband and he laughed but in the end he realized his misstep and congratulated me on my success. Eventually I did the “American thing” and got a divorce after things didn’t work out. I say the American thing because in comparison to the West Indies people tend to stay married longer. Before I got divorce, I met my father-in-law about (6 months before) he was very supportive and helpful. He babysat Ryan for me while I worked during the day as he worked at nights. My father-in-law was very supportive. We had a running joke each time when I felt overwhelmed he will always look at me and say “honey, you’re not college material, learn a trade.” But in the same breath, he will offer any assistance needed even if it meant he had to pay for my degree but I found another source to pay for it – a job with tuition reimbursement.
So here I am living in Brooklyn, NY with very little family support around me. Ryan was 18 months at the time and I decided to start college. I was lucky to get a job as a clerk at a Jewish Home Care agency and was able to live on my own. My net pay was $550 a month and my rent was $500. I had to pay lights, gas, daycare, food, clothing etc. I had this limited income for about 3 months. My deceased uncle and his wife lived nearby and I know I was welcome there any time for a meal. I truly believe there is a God because as soon as I was in this situation it was like God opened his hand and guided me. The Jewish place advertised for an Accounts clerk position and I quickly applied and got that position earning enough to cover all the bills except daycare. So I eventually harassed my ex-husband for money to cover that expense.
God decided to show me another way and I read about the added benefits in the company newsletter one of which was free tuition for union employees. “I jumped on it” immediately and started to get the benefit and registered to attend Brooklyn College. Fast-forward 4 years I was a single parent working 6 days and attending college at nights. During this time God sent a pair of angels to me my uncle John and Beryl Smith who offered to baby-sit for me at nights free of charge and she lived in the apartment next door. My son loved her and started calling her mama. A typical day for me at the time was 6.00am – 12.30am. By the time I got from school took 2 buses and walked home. Working and attending school was very difficult but my intrinsic motivator was my son Ryan because I wanted to provide a better life for him than the gated apartment building with 4 locks on my door. I remembered the days when I had exams and I had to study while at work and still do my job. I had mastered my job description skills as an accounts clerk and was able to download patient’s visits into our system in half the time it took other employees to do by downloading 3 vendors at a time. My check system was great because I have a good memory for numbers and it didn’t take me much time to cross-check each patient’s visits, with how many hours the home health aide worked. When I had finals for my classes, which was always on a full time schedule. I used the bathroom a minimum of 5 times per day studying and reviewing materials, while trying to block out all the smells and cramps I sustained in my legs. My co-workers would always know when I have finals, as I will have to use the bathroom several times a day. When I look back at that period of my life now, I laugh to myself thinking I couldn’t believe having to do all of that just to attain a degree. I finally graduated with my BS degree in Finance. After speaking to my professors and my seventy-something year old uncle at the time I decided to continue and get my MBA. As my uncle said “beat the iron while it is hot.” At that time my job advertised for another position Staff Accountant. I decided to apply for the job with little hope that they will give me the opportunity, as I was a black woman working in a Jewish company trying to advance myself by applying for a non-union position. I guess God was smiling on me and I got the non-union position as the Staff Accountant; everyone was shocked including me that I got the position. My new boss Rich Mato told me after I got the position that he didn’t have the heart to give it to someone else because I deserved it and was very capable for the position.
I started with my new position and registered for the MBA program at Long Island University in Brooklyn. I had to attend a college in Brooklyn, as it was easy access as I worked in Brooklyn. My boss Rich was very supportive of me attending school and working. Some days he told me to study and do the work later. Other days, when Ryan had no school, in order for me to save my vacation days Rich told me to bring him in and sit him in a cubicle give him something to do and keep him quiet. My co-workers would take their 15-minute breaks at different times and take him outside with them. To this day I still keep in touch with Rich and call him every Father’s day. Here I was, in the same situation working and attending school with no night babysitter, as Beryl was in the process of moving to another state. I then made friends with an African family in the building where I lived and paid them to baby-sit at night. We had different cultural backgrounds: I was sad at the way things were done but I didn’t have a choice. It’s funny at this time I had loads of friends but when I asked them to help me by watching him at nights everyone said no. I did have other friends, namely the Abrams who helped me when I had to study or recreate and my friend Gia, who was always available to take Ryan to the doctor so that I didn't have to take time off from work. God bless her she was another angel along with Ryan’s god mother Franka who was always helpful. I truly consider them my family. Family isn’t always the people that are blood related but I classify them as people who are by your side through the good and the bad times.
Two years later I graduated with my MBA in 2001 and quickly applied for a position in Maryland after the “911 disaster.” I got a position as a Business Manager at an architect firm and I’m still currently working there. It took me a long time to find another decent guy and I finally got married in 2004 and had Benjamin and Brooke. With both pregnancies, I worked up until the last day and stayed home for 6 weeks, worked part time from home during my maternity leave to make sure everything was done to a certain extent. It was really challenging dealing with my then 15-year-old teenager, a crazy 2 year old that disliked the new addition (Brooke). But all in all everything that I am doing is manageable, and I have mastered the art of multi-tasking. My motto in life is “never put off what you can do today for tomorrow.” I have a wonderful husband who is very supportive of me and helps anyway he can. The only caveat is managing our household chores since he works at nights and when I arrive at home he’s not there.
As a mother (forget a working one) but just a mother, I feel as though I haven’t slept for 7 years as I am on their schedule. No matter how supportive my husband was, changing diapers, babysitting while I’m dying to go to the store for 2 hours to get milk etc, the mother has the ultimate responsibilities. Mothers are the ones battling with their weight trying to force themselves back into their old clothes. It’s like having another job without a pay check. I never asked my husband what he thinks about in his spare time but I’m certain it isn’t whether we have laundry to fold or clothes to wash. As a mother I’m not looking for any medal or a pat on the back for a job well done but what I seek is for my children to appreciate and capitalize on the opportunities that are available to them.
So often I’ve seen children who were given things easy don’t do anything positive with their life but the ones who struggle to have a daily meal or living in unpleasant neighborhoods are the ones that excel in life. I will like my kids to be able to articulate any negatives and change it to a positive and make it work for them. Currently it seems as though I am struggling to bring that point across to my now 20 year old son.
Coming to America I feel like it is a constant race. When I get up in the morning I should say ready, set, go… Waking up in Trinidad I didn’t get that feeling at all. By the way the cousins who ignored me when I first landed are now trying to be close but as in some things in life “it’s too late.” With all my struggles as a single to now married working mother, I realized that I would not have had it any other way, but to be a working mom, staying home with kids is too confining and eventually your kids grow up and sometimes don’t appreciate the lifelong sacrifices we as parents make. So with that said I love being a Working Mother.
